When my sister and I recently sat down together to write some words about our Dad, to read at his funeral, we knew it would be one of the most emotionally challenging things we could ever do.

We’d each scribbled personal notes about him, and we’d even taken on well-meaning advice, such as ‘Just remember everyone loves a shout-out at a funeral.’

He embodied family and love. He kept things simple, yet applied his unique logic to most things he approached in life. Being a photographer himself, he became my greatest advocate in my own photographic practice, always wanting to hear of latest projects and the first to be my creative muse. He was my sister’s proofreader in her dissertation and thesis, which often resulting in beautifully heated and academic differences of opinions. He was the great love of our mother’s life.

So, as we sat there a little longer, lost in thought about how to begin putting pen to paper, we looked at each other. “What would Dad say?” we asked.

As I navigate this time of grieving, knowing how desperately I miss him, I want to share the share the words my sister and I wrote and read out between us on that day.

Our Dad always had a theory, and a point of reference for everything.

How to write a eulogy: what would Dad say?

He probably has a book on the shelf in his study, on how to write a eulogy in seven steps and where to start…

Step 1. Stick to time.

Step 2. Choose somebody that loved you – check.

Our dad was playful, logical, unexpected, honest and clever. He was an adventurer, a performer and a quiet man. He had a strong work ethic and he knew how to party. He let us party and he loved our friends. He was kind and committed and he made life straightforward. He was a family man and we knew we were centre and everything.

How to write a eulogy, step 3: stick to the facts and get to the point.

Born in Sheffield, our Dad was a son to Jack and Jean and brother to Jenny. They grew up in Bournemouth. He was a sea scout. Fact: he liked maths. He gained a civil engineering degree at the University of Sheffield and married our Mum, Lis in 1966. They moved to Wales, we were born and as a family we travelled the world. He was Grandpa to Josie, Nia, Tessa and Jeanie and now step-grandfather to Alfie and Molly, father-in-law to Bill and Jez. He died on the 26th of December, at a time when he knew our family were all together.

It is really lovely to have you all here today.

How to write a eulogy, step 4: pay attention to detail.

Outnumbered by the women in his life, he was never overwhelmed, not by anything really. He was a feminist, but I don’t think he would have called himself one. He was not one to gush, but he made sure that we knew, that he knew, we could do anything we set our minds to “just make sure you enjoy what you do.”

He had many interests – not to fill time, nor for show, or even for the social, but out of genuine interest and curiosity. He found his own unique angle through his hobbies. I could name some:

Archaeologist, genealogist, stain glass window maker, local councillor, point-to-point horse race goer, photographer, TikTok’r (ask us later!) and puzzle solver – including translating GCSE maths, Welsh to English.

He was a Gwentertainer, or rather he entertained Gwent – singing and dancing alongside friends. OK, here’s one: our dad was a rap artist and made a civil engineering-themed recording. It was called ‘Soft Silty Clay’ and looking back it was quite good, and I think we thought so at the time. He didn’t care about dress sense – though he wasn’t afraid to dress up. He wasn’t afraid of anything.

How to write a eulogy, step 5: do the research, then build it yourself.

He had an answer and solution for pretty much anything. With a shed and a study, he always had something for the job. And he could fix anything – it might not be as you’d expect, and you might be surprised with the outcome. He applied a careful logic and creativity, not only in his day job but in his approach to parenting, when building a home and going on holidays and expeditions over the years.

From building Hong Kong’s underground train system to extending his own shed He could find an answer:

“Just follow the rules, then do your own thing”

“Subscribe to Which Magazine and always get three quotes”

How to write a eulogy, step 6: keep a record.

He was the family archivist, the street photographer. The forward-thinker, the back-in-timer. He was ahead of time with his 1980s computer and equally he embraced the past, whether relating to our own family history – all the branches of the tree – or digging up ancient artefacts to understand the bigger picture. All as important as each other.

“Keep a record – you never know when you might need it”

Don’t forget step 1: stick to time.

How are we doing?

“Work grows to fill the time allocated” you once said. 

You explained Parkinson’s Law on procrastinating, when we were trying to understand how long something took.You lived a full life, Dad, and you’ve done so much, but we weren’t done with you…

And finally, step 7: be confident. Remember, you can do this.

Learn to proofread; they’re only words.

Only worry about the things you can do something about.

Empty the garage – it’s mostly your stuff.

File your photographs.

Look after your mum.

And, when you can’t think of anything more to say, you’ve probably said enough.